Continuation- 101 Ways to Make Mischief

Okay...here are the rest of the fantastic tips from my guest blogger, baby Katherine.  If you missed out on the first 51, you can find them on the main board of the blog.

52.   When riding in your rear-facing car seat, repeatedly insert your fist into your mouth and gag audibly as though you are vomiting.

53.   Climb onto the couch and dangle precariously over the back, threatening to lose your balance and fall head first.

54.   Whenever Mommy lays on the floor to stretch or do sit-ups, sit on her face.

55.   Whenever anyone sits on the floor, tackle them.

56.   Learn to spit and do it whenever Mommy’s hands are full.

57.   Suddenly crank the stereo volume as high as it goes, then cry from the noise.

58.   Play hide and seek with your favorite stuffed doggy.  Refuse to nap, sleep, or cooperate in any way until Mommy finds it.

59.   Remove clothing from your dresser drawers.  Place it in different drawers, ideally in different rooms.

60.   Play peek-a-boo with Mommy when she attempts to give you a Time Out.

61.   Stand on your tippy toes to reach items on the counter.  Pull down whatever you can reach.

62.   Grab a large picture book and stand on your tippy toes at the counter—use the book to swipe items you can’t reach normally onto the floor.

63.   Feign interest in craft time, then color on the walls when Mommy turns around.

64.   Beg to wash your hands, then as soon as Mommy turns on the faucet, throw the hand towel into the sink.

65.   Start to wean, then randomly collapse at Mommy’s feet crying “nurse, nurse!”

66.   Pet the dog nicely for several minutes before suddenly tugging sharply on her fur.

67.   Whenever Mommy seems to be enjoying her food, beg for a bite.  Insist on the whole item, rather than a bite, then lick the item and/or drop it on the floor.

68.   Pull the wipes out of the package, one at a time.  Disperse them freely throughout the room.

69.   Cry whenever Mommy drinks from a coffee mug.

70.   Learn to giggle on command and do it whenever Mommy looks angry.

71.   Locate the magnet Mommy uses to open the childproofed cabinets.  Hide it.

72.   Change the channel whenever your sister is watching cartoons.

73.   Eject the DVD whenever your sister is watching Frozen.

74.   Learn to summon Siri on Mommy’s iPhone.  Ask her question after question in baby gibberish until the battery dies.

75.   Find out when Mommy plans to wake up in the morning.  Cry twenty minutes before that time, every day.

76.   Steal Mommy’s wallet at the grocery store.  Drop one credit card in each aisle.

77.   Eat corn on the cob often.  Do not chew thoroughly.  Laugh uproariously at Mommy’s expression during the next diaper change.

78.   Wedge yourself in between the couch and side table, forging onward until you can’t squeeze another inch and then scream until Mommy scoots the side table over to free you.  Repeat.

79.   Insist on taking a pacifier whenever you’re in public.  Drop it in the most disgusting place you find.

80.   Dance with abandon whenever you hear music.

81.   Drop items off the landing above the stairway.

82.   Try on Mommy’s bras when company comes over.

83.   Stick your hand down Mommy’s shirt whenever she talks with other adults, preferably males.

84.   Run over Mommy’s feet with your ride-on car.

85.   Insist on only eating foods like oatmeal, rice krispies, or grape nuts for breakfast.  Obviously, you should throw the bowl containing these items after four bites.

86.   Turn on all the faucets that you can reach so that just a trickle of water comes out. 

87.   Insist on kneeling at the top of the stairs with your back to the stairs to read.  If Mommy attempts to reposition you, throw the book at her head and writhe around screaming until she walks away, then return to your cozy reading spot atop the stairs.

88.   Walk with a limp for several days in a row.  When Mommy takes you to the pediatrician, perform like an Olympic marathoner.  Then resume the limp the next day.

89.   Swing your foam baseball bat at Daddy’s legs.  Bonus points if you hit the knees or groin.

90.   Try on Mommy’s shoes and waltz around proudly in them whenever she needs a smile.

91.   Stand independently at a young age.  This will cause Mommy to panic and childproof prematurely.

92.   Delay walking as long as possible.  You want Mommy to carry you everywhere, subject to the conditions of Tip 93.

93.   If you are out and about and notice Mommy checking her watch often, insist on walking and holding her hand rather than being held.

94.   Whenever you walk, walk slowly.  Touch all bugs, weeds, and cigarette butts you see. 

95.   Store your shoes in the pantry.  Or the fridge.  Or the bathroom cabinet.  The key is to keep it fresh—always vary the location.

96.   Sit on the baby potty happily while Mommy reads you fourteen books.  Then stand up and pee on the Dry-Clean-Only rug nearby.

97.   When in public, point to an old scab on your chin from where you scratched yourself, say “ouch” loudly and point accusingly at Mommy.

98.   Insist on helping Mommy whenever she is typing.

99.   Remove the plastic electrical outlet covers.  Hide them until Mommy starts accusing your siblings of doing this, then grab one and shove it down your throat.  When she starts replacing them in the wall, quickly find the one remaining uncovered outlet and pretend to lick it.

100.                        Have a dimple.  You know when to use it to your advantage.

101.                        Remember every swear word Mommy ever says.  Wait until you are at church or with grandma to repeat them.

 

Stay tuned for next week's blogs--topics include What Happens at Target Stays at Target and The S*** No One Admits They're Thankful For.

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