You Might Be Pregnant If...

So, being pregnant again, I find myself without the creative spark that usually fuels my writing and an odd inability to focus on anything not related to pregnancy.  Hence the topic of today’s blog.  But as a disclaimer, I must note that not all of these have actually happened to me.

You Might Be Pregnant If:

-          You fall asleep while eating dinner but battle insomnia from 2-4 am every night.

-          You anxiously await the day when your “bump” appears and you’re finally showing, then whine about looking fat.

-          You get up to pee two or more times each night.

-          You consider peeing in bed because you’re so tired you don’t want to get up each time.

-          Water gives you heartburn.

-          You cry at sad commercials.

-          You cry at happy or uplifting commercials.

-          You cry at funny commercials.

-          You cry because you CAN’T STOP CRYING.

-          You stop brushing your back two teeth because your gag reflex is too sensitive.

-          You stress about not gaining enough weight, only to worry about gaining too much weight a month later.

-          You are hungry even while vomiting.

-          You can distinguish brands of pretzels simply by sniffing the bag.

-          You Google the safety of Tums and Tylenol but steal tiny sips of your spouse’s wine.

-          You pee when you sneeze.

-          You pee when you cough.

-          You pee when you laugh.

-          You break out like a teenager.

-          Your mouth constantly tastes like you’ve been licking pennies.

-          You eat jalapenos by the jar but are repulsed by any orange foods.

-          Your hair grows two inches in a month.

-          You have to buy unscented everything because smells make you nauseous.

-          You can’t remember what you ate for dinner the day before, but can rattle off your top ten baby names at the drop of a hat.

-          You count down the minutes to Friday, eager to head to bed by 9:30pm.

-          You choke down prune juice like it’s your job.

-          You’re too exhausted to clean your kitchen for five weeks straight but pull an all-nighter wallpapering the shelves of your linen closet and compulsively alphabetizing your cleaning supplies.

-          You require four separate pillows to sleep comfortably.

-          You crave pickles.

-          You count climbing the stairs while holding a toddler as your daily workout.

-          Shaving your legs requires a series of yoga moves.

-          You’re so hungry you order two hamburgers and then feel miserably full after a third of one.

-          You keep a mental tally of all the things you’re looking forward to once you’ve had the baby, only to miss pregnancy a week later.