Day 1 of the Pledge

May 19, 2014 I technically started this blog years ago, back when all of you probably started your blog too. And then I quit, right when everyone else did too. But now, I’m trying something new, and it feels natural to blog about it. After 16 months of trying to get rid of the extra roll around my midsection through diets, logging insane running miles, and literally doing Insanity (and T25, which I’ll admit I found tedious and not very challenging), I decided to cut processed foods. I’m following the rules of the 100 Days of Real Food, the worst of which is that I can no longer eat refined sugar. For those of you who know me, it’s an essential component of my diet. I’m not overweight and I plan to wear a bikini this summer regardless of the success of this endeavor, but I decided it was time to try something new. If you stick with me, I promise never to turn into one of those women who claims sugar is bad. This is not a permanent change for me—just something to get me through a plateau and hopefully some of the habits will stick with me. Anyway, it’s my first day doing the 100 Days of Real Food pledge, and I’ve already learned some important lessons. Nothing insightful or deep about myself, but more some universal truths, or a maxim if you will. First maxim: plain yogurt tastes like vomit. If you disagree, this is probably not the blog for you, not because I don’t like people who disagree with me (I was a lawyer long before the actual law degree came along…I thrive on disagreement), but because you’re clearly either lying or delusional. Denying that plain yogurt tastes like puke is like claiming the sky isn’t blue. Sure, some days it might have a purplish hue, but in the end, we all know it’s blue. Sure, you can dress up plain yogurt and make it possible to swallow without triggering your gag reflex, but then it isn’t really “plain” yogurt anymore, is it? Second maxim: just because a diet allows you to still drink wine in moderation does not compensate for the absence of diet coke in your life. You will still mourn this loss. And if you go to the wine & cheese shop and ask for a cola-flavored wine, they will assume you are kidding. Third maxim: hardboiled eggs stink. If you boil them in the morning to eat throughout the day when you’re feeling weak and famished from your new “lifestyle” (because it’s not a diet, right?), throughout the day, you will be sniffing your baby’s bottom and asking your other kids if they need to use the potty as you try to place the rotten smell. Fourth maxim: If you puree carrots and bell peppers to pour on top of your mixed greens and grilled chicken salad to substitute for dressing, you will still miss the dressing. Whoever said “you won’t even notice it’s gone” is full of lies. LIES, I tell you.